How to get cake, or as it also known on the internet:
(Seriously though, click on the "CAKE OR DEATH?" as it is actually a link. Please watch the video, or the rest of this post is going to make terribly little sense to you.)
When confronted with the question "cake or death," is is indeed a reasonable bet that the response will be something along the lines of "cake." Sometimes a "please" is thrown in as well, or if the questioned person is feeling particularly well spirited and in the mood they may reply along the lines of "oh yes, some cake would be quite splendid I would rather love some to have as it is one of my favorite things to ingest and consume." But only in rare occasions is the later form used. Usually, it is just "cake, please."
Honestly, try going up to a person and do this very exercise. Threaten them with either cake or death. Observe their response, give them the response desired, record your results, and continue your experiment until sufficient data has been gathered. Of course, having someone answer "death, please" will rather put a damper on conducting such a scientific inquiry and may lead you to need to cut your research short, lest the law interfere.
In all seriousness, though, how many people do you honestly know who would seriously pick death over cake, given the honest to goodness choice of the two? No one would. Given a choice between cake and death, it has been found (through the extensive sort of research mentioned prior) that approximately in the ball park of about roughly 100% of test subject mostly will answer "cake" more often than not most likely usually. This is just a rough estimate, again, but one which has been proven scientifically time and again.
Now personally, I see this as being a basic human trait: we want to live, and we want to live well, which makes the question of "cake or death" seem naturally funny to us. Normal humans, which is to say the vast majority of us, want to live happy, healthy, productive, and loving lives that they can feel good about. This has to some been seen as the quintessential goal of all humans, but let us not aspire to such big words and merely say it is a pretty good thing to want, shall we?
Within this context, we can clearly see why people choose cake at least 100% of the time in most cases. Cake is delicious.
It gives us good warm feelings inside our stomachs. No matter what type of cake you prefer, it all is, quite naturally, the most happy, healthy, productive, and loving food you could ever consume*. So what do people who want to live eat? They eat cake. Case closed on the issue of "cake or death" really.
Now to the point of this. We have established that people wish to live happy, healthy, productive, (cake) loving lives. If people want to live such lives of blissful (cake) happiness, it only comes to follow that they will desire the path that leads them to such results. If people want good (cake) lives, and they want to find the best path (to cake), then how does causing combative and unreasonably ridiculous drama fit into such a description.
Simply put, it does not.
The main reason this ever occurs is that people like attention. This selfish need for bloated self-importance stems back to times when people without such great cake filled lives wanted to seem like they too were good of live and cake. So, they found other ways besides being happy, healthy, productive, and loving to get their cake, and at the center of all these dark cake dreams is one thing: a selfish desire for attention.
Let me make this abundantly clear: if you cause drama, you will not get a happy, healthy, productive and loving life because of it. You will not even get cake. Some cases of such drama inducing have, in fact, actually led to death. And from a cakeological standpoint, this just does not make sense.
Why in the whole world would anyone ever choose death over cake? There honestly is no good reason, leading to the conclusion that the person making such drama and toying with deadly forces of anti-cakedom is being completely unreasonable. Which is, frankly, stupid as hell.
The point of this cake filled analogy is to point out one simple fact: drama is stupid, cake is good. This is not aimed at any person or people or cake in particular, merely a point which many should consider before they make a total broccoli out of themselves. Seriously, though, being broccoli sucks. Nobody likes it.
So if ever you were to remember one thing from this post, remember this, dear reader: when faced with the choice of living a good life of cake and happiness or one of stupid drama and broccoli ice cream, do not be a totally heinous ignoramus.
Choose the cake. It is delicious cake. You must eat it.
Ingredients
1 (18.25 ounce) package devil's food cake mix
1 (5.9 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix
1 cup sour cream
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
1/2 cup warm water
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, mix together the cake and pudding mixes, sour cream, oil, beaten eggs and water. Stir in the chocolate chips and pour batter into a well greased 12 cup bundt pan.
3. Bake for 50 to 55 minutes, or until top is springy to the touch and a wooden toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cool cake thoroughly in pan at least an hour and a half before inverting onto a plate. If desired, dust the cake with powdered sugar.
Tip: Additional toppings can be added. I personally recommend adding a mix of chocolate frosting and chocolate chips onto it with strawberries in the middle.
Yield: 1 12 cup Bundt cake for 12 people
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Too-Much-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Too-Much-Chocolate-Cake/Detail.aspx
I love broccoli. Quite possibly more than cake. Hmm...rather have cake than death, though, so I guess you make a valid point.
ReplyDeleteNow, off to make some cake and lemonade.
Well who would have thought it. I dare say I may need to find a good broccoli recipe to post some day for you. I will probably have to pull into one of my own cookbooks for it though. Haha.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly look forward to the post awesome enough to warrant a broccoli recipe.
ReplyDeleteDrama sucks. I agree with you. The problem is that there are too many people in the RLSH community and out of it telling each other what is right and what is wrong, acting like they are the foremost authority in what the "proper game plan is". Add to this the ridiculous and hypocritical criticisms heaped upon the RLSH by the so-called RLSVs and what you have is exactly what you said - alot of fat bloated egos expressing their exaggerated sense of self-importance.
ReplyDeleteBut the drama isn't going anywhere as long as people engage in hate mongering and egomania. That's the sad truth of it all. Sadly, some people choose cake but not to eat it. They choose it instead to smash it or smother it in other peoples faces.
Insightful as you have been, Mister Jingles. (^^)
ReplyDeleteI think one of the main problems also is that when you have a group of such volatile and charged men and women, when there is nothing particularly happening, that focus of drive turns in on itself and begins a partially self-destructive action in order to cleanse or reorder what is seen in the life of the person as not desirable.
I note that in the times where we have meet ups and large concerted events and gatherings we have strengthened unity, if only for a time. There is still drama, yes, but I rather think it is less so than those times when fewer things are really occuring.